ANGER
"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame."
Benjamin Franklin
Getting mad, being bitter or resentful, being furious – there are lots of ways we react when people don't do what we expect. The tough part about getting angry is, in that moment, it feels like we have no choice but to let it take over. It's only later that we realize we're not too proud of how we acted.
I feel disrepected
Your boss calls you into the office. They start questioning your decisions on some paperwork. You can feel your blood boiling. You say to yourself "who are they to question me? I know what I'm doing." You blow up at your boss, and leave the office to take a breather. This is the second time this week.
I never get a break
You come home to chaos. The kids aren't babies, why aren't they cleaning. All you see is more work. You've had a long day, and just want to have a moment to yourself. Your kids want to play. You snap at them to play elsewhere as you throw their toys in a cupboard and slam it close.
I deserve better
Your working on a group project and that "one person" joins the group. They always go against your ideas. They suggest a new idea, and the rest of the group agrees - you roll your eyes. Everyone loves their ideas. You sit back, and stop participating. Why bother? Won't matter.
I do it for them
Your kid is struggling in school. They aren't going to classes, saying their anxious. So? People push through, so why can't they? They just need to make a plan. You set ultimatums, yell, punish, and whatever else you can do to get them on track - it's for their own good.
HERE'S THE THING
Anger can act like a cover for something deeper. When anger feels out of our control, it's sending us a message we need to pay attention to.
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But here's the important part: it doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means there's some pain there. Maybe someone made you feel powerless, like you were worth nothing. Maybe you feel like life has been lost since having kids, all you do is do things for everyone else but yourself. Or you shut out your friends because you feel you aren't treated fairly. Maybe you're scared that if you don't control your kid they'll fail, or you won't be able to save them from something worse.
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Understanding the message, while also practicing better ways to respond, can make you happier and calmer in the long run.
